This a living documentation on a life-long endeavor to understand my Taiwanese heritage. I will be focusing on my father's side because I feel closer to his culture, even though he was absent for most of my life. However, his parents and siblings made an effort to keep that connection alive, despite my parents' separation.

There were also rumors that my grandmother was from the Amis tribe, though my relatives would flip-flop on this. It's something I would like to explore as well, especially when I learned that many indigenous Taiwanese chose to relinquish their indigneous identity.

On the other side, my mother was born on an army base to parents who were brought to Taiwan by the Kuomingtang party. I am also learning about this too, especially the impact the KMT had on Taiwan.

The goal of this project is to eventually travel to Taiwan to research my ancestry. This website will be home to all of my documentation, including inspiration and ideas. While this is all very personal, I will leave out anything I believe should not exist on the internet.

I've decided to make this space public as a way to easily share this project with people who can help me on my journey. But maybe this might inspire anyone who's reading it. Maybe you will also seek out to learn more about yourself and why you are the way you are. We all have a story to tell.

What is Tavoan? According to researchers, "Tavoan" is the original name of Taiwan, from the language of the Siraya people, one of the Plains Indigenous peoples of the island. "Tavo" means "place" and "an" means location, so "Tavoan" translates to "the place of meeting."

"The name "Taiwan" evolved from the Siraya word 'Tavoan' (meaning 'meeting place'), which can be further analyzed. Topographically, this meeting place refers to the lagoon area of the Taijiang Inner Sea, a place where land and water meet, a confluence of land, sandbars, and rivers.(Source)

I also see it as two cultures meeting: my American upbringing meeting my Taiwanese ancestry, as well as a long-lost name meeting its modern interpretation.

Why 臺灣 in Mandarin Chinese? The Siraya language doesn't have Chinese characters, and thus I chose to use the name it has evolved into: Taiwan. It is a reminder that Taiwan was and has been "Tavoan" before it was colonized by the Chinese, Japanese, Dutch, etc. etc. The island already had a name.

"Meet me at the meeting place" is where the story continues and the history lesson begins.

My paternal grandmother, 阿嬤 (A-Má), was probably the only person in my family whom I felt unconditional love. Granted, she had her flaws, but as a child growing up with negligent parents, she was an important figure. She passed away when I was around 20 years old, from colon cancer.

When she was still alive, my sister and I took turns "caring" for her. I put caring in quotes, because she treated us differently. My sister (who's younger than me), told me that when it was her turn, she cooked and cleaned for my grandmother. When it was my turn, it was the opposite. I would ask 阿嬤 if she needed help, and she would say no, and tell me to watch TV or do something else.

I used to think that she liked me less than my sister because she often called me lazy. That was until I learned that she left me with something that my sister and cousins did not have: her stories.

She knew her time was limited, so she began telling me the events in her life. I learned that her family disowned her when she chose to marry my grandfather, and that my grandfather had been violent husband, and that she had tried to end her life many times, but stayed alive for the children.

Back then, I didn't know what to make of this information. I was young and preoccupied with my own adolescence. However, her stories left a mark. I felt like I had some sort of duty to fulfill.

Whether that was her intention or not, I grew curious about her origins, but also sad that her story would never be told. Her secrets would die with her, and we would all move on.

Sometimes, I think that if my grandmother were still be alive, she would probably be disappointed in me because I refused to birth another being into this world. We often think of children as continuing our legacy. However, do we even know the names of our great-grandparents? Will we even be remembered?

This project is not only my legacy, but also hers, and to all of my unnamed great¹⁰-grandmothers before her.

Hello, I'm Pei-Jeane (沛君), commonly known as Peige. I was born and raised in southern California, in an area known as the San Gabriel Valley, where most of our parents were first-generation immigrants.

It was confusing, being told that you're a minority, even though you're surrounded by people who look like you. We drank bubble tea decades before it became a trend, and now, The kids who told us our food stank are "matcha girlies" or are in a "very Chinese time" of their lives. -__-

However, being too close to your parents' language and culture made you a FOB (i.e., fresh off the boat). Most us of grew up to be internally racist and unfortunately, some never grow out of it.

So, after years of rejecting my culture, I finally made a pilgrimage to Taiwan when I was 19, hoping to find a sense of belonging. Instead, I was called "the American" and felt even more out-of-place. No matter where I went, I would always be different.

19 was two decades ago, and since then, I've come to terms with a lot of things. I'm still finding my place in this world, and this project is one way of doing it.

But, you probably just wanted to know some facts about me, right? Here they are:

• I've lived in the US, Hong Kong, and now Switzerland
• I'm turning 40 next year and I feel weird about it
• I blog at pretendtypewriter.net
• I sing in a queer choir
• I'm currently unemployed and seeking freelance opportunities :')